So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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