I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
