today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
