You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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