If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
