You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
