I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
