Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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