I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
