I got chris browned last night
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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