I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
