I can text with my tongue
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
