Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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