He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
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yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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