My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
