I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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