You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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