so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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