my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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