he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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