I think i peed on brittanys purse
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
