i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
