"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize