I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
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When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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