If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
