it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
