you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
