I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
