umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
