So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I deserve this hangover.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
