well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
