i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
