he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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