tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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