i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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