let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
