Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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