Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
