He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
