Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
