I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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