i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
