I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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