it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
