I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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