you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
