Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
