She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
