Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Found your dick twin last night
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
