this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
