ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I need moral support for this bender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize