We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
