none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
