did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Randomize
