Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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