wrigley field is MILF paradise
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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