I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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