They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
