is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
