I'd wear matching sweaters with you
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
