if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
