I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
