kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
