I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
