Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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