I wish I could teleport
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
