Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
