And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
