I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You need Xanax blowdarts
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
