my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
