You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
did i just pee glitter
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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