I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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