My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
