swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
