A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
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Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
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Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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