I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
