You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
