I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I will die if light touches me.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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