I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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