i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
